mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
