I'm eating all of the evidence.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
