so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
