Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize