apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
