Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
