I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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