so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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