I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
