if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
