i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
