It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
