I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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