Can Purell be used as lube?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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