i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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