We won't sleep together?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
