I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
