How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
