You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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