the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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