I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
