why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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