guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
