After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry about my life...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
