u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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