This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
