i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
