remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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