Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
