i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
