why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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