those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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