I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
