i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
