i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
