dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Success! We fucked roommates!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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