Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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