So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
