saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
