He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
