I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
