theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
