I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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