god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
