She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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