Yo dont text me then not text me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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