The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
