opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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