you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
