I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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