the condom got lost in my hair
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
