Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
