i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
