Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its not stalking. its research.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
