you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I came so hard my ears popped.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
