the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
