So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
