just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
