So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
