Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
