im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
