You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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