Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
