I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
