You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
