Is it normal to miss your booty call?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
