i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Found your dick twin last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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