You really coming over, don't trick.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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