dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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