Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
