I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
