that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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