Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
