I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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