i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
