At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
