If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
don't judge my taste in strippers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
