so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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