C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
