he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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