saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wear drunk well.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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