Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
