Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
