Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
