Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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