i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
